Swapping Sides
by Lana Aurelius
Summary: Yeah, big bad, does something to the Doctor, who now has to deal with the female side of his psyche. Enter Jack and Torchwood and things are going a little crazy! Finally finished.
1. Prologue

Prologue.

"You will fail. None are match for me."

"Yeah mate, that's what they all say."

The Doctor had his back against the wall, literally. He was dangling three foot off the ground, suspended by his suit lapels, which happened to be in the clutches of a rather terrifying Xanodere with aspirations of ultimate power and mass destruction. The same old usual to tell the truth.

The Xanodere was a huge creature from a planet not too far away from a nebular containing a central pulsar. As such, the species had evolved skin like biological body armour, a mottled greyish purple that secreted a rotten smelling liquid that aided in protecting the species from the radiation of the pulsar. The race was of mammoth size and they were typically warriors by nature. They were usually xenophobic and untrustworthy of other races, as such they more often than not kept to themselves unless anything came too close to their space borders. In that case they hopped into their warships and chased the intruders for light years.

Due to this, the Doctor was quite shocked to find himself being accosted by one on Adelphi Prime.

He and Rose had come here so he could show her the beautiful light displays that lit up the solar system at night. So far they had been here for three nights in an underground base and had failed to see the lights at all. They had found themselves embroiled in the Xanodere's plot to overthrow the government of the Prime. They had waded in as they usually do and had succeeded in disrupting his plans and disbanding his followers. The only thing left to do was to take down Xanodere and turn him in to the galactic services for judgement of his crimes.

This is how the Doctor found himself suspended by his lapels, up against the wall being held up by a Xanodere. Rose was in another section of the base, the Doctor had absolutely no idea as to where. She had wandered off yet again and he only hoped she was having more fun than he presently was.

The Xanodere lowered him slightly as he removed his left claw from the Doctor's jacket and promptly delivered a vicious backhand that sent the Doctor flying across the room. Seeing stars and black spots swarming his vision the Doctor was unable to respond in time to stop the beast coming at him again. The creature heaved him up again, this time with one hand clenched tight around the Doctor's throat cutting off his oxygen supply and blood circulation. The Doctors eyes went wide and his hands scrabbled at the claw around his neck desperately trying to dislodge it. Despite his race's superior ability to go with reduced amounts of air, the Doctor found that his head was spinning and he was finding it increasingly difficult to stay conscious.

Just as his sight started to fail and his eyelids began to flutter, the Doctor heard a primal roar scramble through the haze in his head. He felt himself being dropped to the floor and thanked Rasillon that the oxygen starvation had left him numb enough to not feel the full impact of the floor, because the way that he just crumpled down, that really would have hurt.

The clouds in his vision started to clear and linear thought returned to his brain, just in time to witness the sight of Rose being unceremoniously thrown from the Xanodere's back. She must have jumped on it to try to distract it from choking the Doctor into his next regeneration. The Doctor winced as she crumbled into a heap not far away from him.

"Rose…Rose you all right?"

Rose gave a muffled 'humph' in response that even if nothing else, reassured the Doctor that she was at least semi-conscious, she was however, laying face down unmoving.

The Xanodere rounded back to the Doctor seeming even more menacing than before.

"You think your pathetic female can help you? Where I come from the males don't need the females to fight for them. You show weakness. Or maybe little creature, maybe you are the female of your species!"

"Hey…I resent that…I'm very manly!"

The Xanodere let out what could only be described as a deep gravelly chuckle, "We'll see." It let out a booming laugh as it pulled a strange looking device that the Doctor didn't recognise from his lasermail shirt. He realised that it must be a weapon of some description. It looked like something off those old Marvin The Martian cartoons that Rose had insisted he watch at Jackie's after he had recovered at Christmas.

Eyes wide, the Doctor could only watch as Xanodere aimed the strange looking weapon thing directly at him. He saw as the razor clawed hand closed around the trigger and an acid green light shot towards him. He felt as his body was engulfed, lifted up by this light and sent hurtling through the concrete wall into the next room with an almighty crash.

"DOCTOR!"

He groaned as he felt the light disappearing from his form.

"Oh my God Doctor…Doctor say something…you alive?"

"Yeah I'm…I'm fine…where is the bastard?"

"He's gone…you sure you're all right? You don't sound like…you."

He picked himself gingerly up from the floor and crawled his way through the hole in the wall to get to Rose.

He got through to her side and grinned at her from pure relief that she was okay. Upon seeing him however, Rose's eyes went impossibly wide, her mouth dropped open and she let out an 'eep' sound. She cautiously stepped forward to him.

"Doctor? Is that you?"

"Of course its me…who else would I be."

'Well that doesn't sound right' thought the Doctor. His voice sounded very strange and high-pitched. Not his at all. He worriedly looked down at his hands. 'Are they smaller than they used to be? My clothes are hanging a bit loosely too. Apart from the hips, too tight on the hips. The trouser legs are miles too long.'

His eyes moved back in search of Rose and he was looking absolutely terrified.

She was still wide-eyed and staring as the Doctor gave a high-pitched scream and crumbled to the floor in a dead faint.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1.

The Doctor groaned as his mind made a feeble attempt to claw itself back to consciousness. The fog was slowly but surely being beaten back with a mental sledgehammer into the depths of his mind and he was starting to become more aware of his surroundings. 'Soft…this is good…not concrete…very good…maybe it didn't happen…very very good.' He slowly opened his eyes and was relieved to find himself staring up at the ceiling of his own bedroom onboard the Tardis.

'Thank Rasillon' he thought, 'it was all just a dream. A scary, twisted, albeit incredibly stupid irrational dream. Please please please…let it be a dream.'

He intended to physically reassure himself that it had in fact been a dream, but he couldn't seem to work up the courage to look down at his body. There was still the off chance that it hadn't been a dream and if that was the case then the Doctor planned to be in blissful denial for as long as possible.

Wondering whether he should go back to sleep until it all went away on its own, his worried musings were interrupted as a knock came from the door and it was opened without waiting for a response.

Rose walked in slowly and cautiously as if worried about what she would find inside. Her eyes were abnormally wide and she seemed jittery and nervous, even more so when she found that the Doctor was awake.

"Doctor?…How you…feeling?…Do you…remember what happened?"

He thought about it for a few moments before replying "I'm really trying very hard not to" in a voice that he was positive didn't belong to him. It was all high pitched, soft and feminine.

"Oh shit it really did happen didn't it? Oh bollocks!"

"Or lack thereof!"

He glowered at Rose with all the venom he could muster but she didn't even grin at her joke. She seemed terrified of him, glancing at him and then looking away as if she was scared he'd bite her head off, just to glance back at him again, chewing her lip with a worried frown crossing her features.

"Rose…it'll be okay yeah. I'll sort this out. I just need the annoying gun shooty thingy that Xanodere used on me and all will be fine. I can run some diagnostics on it and reverse it" he lowered his voice and spoke mostly to himself "with any luck."

If it was even possible, Rose's eyes went even wider. She fidgeted uncomfortably at the end of the bed and was chewing on her lip more ferociously than ever. The Doctor was worried that she'd chew her lip right off at this rate.

"Rose…what's wrong?" he asked as he lifted himself to a sitting position with as stern a tone that he could accomplish with this strange discomforting alter-voice.

"The Xanodere…well it…kinda…you see it…it…it left Doctor. The officials at Adelphi Prime couldn't catch up to it after it legged it away from us. It nicked a ship and left. The satellites were tracking it though…well they were before it went out of range…it looked like it was going towards Earth. According to the scientists, if it were, it would have got there three days ago."

The Doctor took all of this new information in. they had landed on the Prime in the same timeline as Rose's Earth. If the Xanodere had gone there, Rose's mum and Mickey could be in danger. In fact they probably would be in danger. Amazing how they were always in the thick of it, purely by coincidence.

"Three days ago…Rose we're light years away from Earth…even with their fastest ship it would still take over a week to get there." His high-pitched voice became stern again as a realisation dawned on him. "How long was I out Rose?" at her uncomfortable silence and squirming he became more insistent. "Rose…how long?"

"Two Weeks." At the Doctor's stunned look she went on to elaborate. "The doctors…I mean the medical ones at the Prime said that your body had gone through shock and needed time to adjust to the changes. We've been stationary since. We're parked just where you left us."

Rose came along the side of his bed and sat uncomfortably perched on the edge. They sat in strained silence, each contemplating the predicament they found themselves in and the implications that it had.

"Well we need to get to the vortex. We can just float around for a bit while we get used to this. If you go to the console room you can activate emergency procedure 2. All you got to do is rotate the relative dimension nodule to 2 and the Tardis'll take us there."

"Emergency procedure? What the hell is that?"

"I programmed certain default courses that you could activate in the case of me being incapacitated. Number 2 takes us to the vortex and number 1 takes us back to the Powell Estate, your present."

"But what about the Xanodere? It's gone to Earth…my present day Earth…Doctor…my mum's there."

"I know that Rose but you're forgetting…time machine! I promise you…we'll get to Earth before the Xanodere does. I just need a little time to adjust to being…female."


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2.

The Doctor had finally worked up the courage to get out of bed and go to the wardrobe room. Rose was sat on a box just behind him, as he looked at his reflection in the full-length mirror.

"Rose…do ya think I'm pretty?" he said with a devilish wink and a smirk. Rose simply spluttered as he kept eyeing up the female reflection, swamped by the pyjamas they'd nicked from Howard at Christmas.

He supposed he was all right looking. Same eyes but different shape. More almond. Same colour hair but longer, half the way down his back now. That was weird. Tickly. Would probably get in the way all the time. Would have to ask Rose what to do about that. He was shorter. Shorter than Rose by a good few inches. That was weird too. But he still seemed to have that high metabolism that kept him permanently slim, not scrawny though. At least that was something. The other thing that got his intention was the hips…and then the breasts.

"Ooh…look at these puppies…they're huge!" turning to face Rose, maniacal grin firmly in place, "really they're incredible…they're fantastic." It was then that he noticed her raised eyebrows of disbelief and turned back to the mirror mumbling "okay…maybe I can enjoy them later."

"Doctor, how are you takin' this so well? Shouldn't you be like trackin' this thing down and figuring out how to change yourself back right before making it pay?"

"Well yes…eventually I'll get round to that but the change isn't really so bad. Not that I can't wait to be male again of course, but when you regenerate as much as I have, new bodies…changing…well you just get used to it. I'm forever becoming different men…I've never been a woman before. It's strange and different…a complete new experience for me."

He went on ogling his reflection in the glass, flexing muscles that felt different now, and finding some in places that he never had before. That was very fun. It occurred to him that there would be all these new sensations to experience and catalogue. He'd have to enjoy them later too!

"Right…first things first…new clothes."

"You gonna completely change your style again then?"

"No…I may have physically changed but my mind is still the same as before. This is different to regenerations that way. With each regeneration my mind and personality changes too, but this is just the same mind in a different body. There are certain parts of my brain awakening though. That's confusing."

"What d'ya mean?"

He scrunched up his face in concentration, trying to determine the best way to explain to her.

"Well…consider this. Every brain begins with equal possibilities for male and female right? When I was born male, the female personality of my brain kind of melted into the background. Now that the body is experiencing female hormones and drives, the female mind is re-awakening and trying to get a foothold. It's weird. I can hear her in there right at the back, like there's two of me. She's trying to kick the male mind out. Ha…spiteful bitch! She's not very strong at the moment though, barely more than a whisper."

Rose tried desperately to process this information as the Doctor began his search through the rows and rows of clothing for something that could suit both his male mind and female form.

He finally pulled an entire bundle of clothing from the various racks and took them all into a stall to try on. Rose sat there patiently waiting for him to finish and decide on his outfit.

When he finally came back out, he was looking…stunning. He was wearing a fitted pinstripe suit, it was a deep navy blue and fitted his…her form perfectly. Underneath that was a tight fitting lilac blouse thing that left little to the imagination as it was unbuttoned to just above his cleavage. He was also wearing the usual scruffy converse boots but these ones were obviously smaller and they were a lilac only minimally darker than that of the blouse. He went back to look at himself in the mirror.

"Not bad…what do you think?"

"You look great Doctor. Suit would look better with a nice pair of heels" the Doctor grimaced "but I suppose that would be pushing you a bit too far wouldn't it?"

"Uh…yeah…just a bit! I can live with the outfit…it's a bit form hugging…never understood why you women wear stuff like that…it's restricting…but its all right I suppose. The underwear is a complete nightmare though. The Tardis just gave me some stuff directly into the stall. All lacy and tiny. I think she's trying to be cruel to me. Oh and the bra…what are they all about…talk about uncomfortable."

He shrugged his shoulders around trying to make the straps more bearable. Rose thought it all quite amusing at this point. Like the irony of the situation was just catching up to her. A woman that didn't know how to be a woman, that didn't do it voluntarily. Not any woman but the Doctor. This was going to be a very interesting adventure.


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3.

The Doctor was in the console room, plotting a course for Earth, so that they would land a couple of days before the Xanodere. This way they would be able to figure out some sort of a plan before the Xanodere arrived. Of course he wasn't altogether sure how long it would have taken the creature to travel to Earth from Adelphi Prime, they could be days early but getting there before the beast was more important than hanging around and being bored. He'd rather hang around for a bit than miscalculate and miss the arrival completely. And then at least Rose would be able to see her mother and some of her friends before the customary deadly peril began.

Rose came quietly into the control room carrying a large leather-bound tome from the library. She had been somewhat subdued since his gender displacement accident, though he supposed it was just shock.

"Been reading up on the Xanodere. The Tardis has been helpful, pretty much leading me to exactly what we needed. Turns out the Xanodere race have designed a cellular modulator, which basically changes the biological structure of an organism. They generally use it as a medical device to heal wounds and cure biological disorders. But sometimes they use it as a full gender swapper on their own species. Why the hell they'd want to do that I have no idea."

"No…that actually makes sense. The Xanodere are a very proud race, warriors and whatnot. A race where men are big and tough and the women are weak and dainty. When a gender shows traits of the other, they'd probably want to change them to save face and keep with their beliefs."

"What d'ya mean?"

"Well…for example if a female was strong and brave they would turn her into a him, kinda like to keep the gender stereotypes accurate. Well…it also helps to make as many warriors as possible."

"What so if there was a bloke who was feeble and girly, they'd turn him into a she?"

"Precisely."

Rose took some time contemplating this new idea while the Doctor finished up setting the course. It seemed like a very backward and strange way of life to her, not to mention morally questionable. It wasn't really conducive for progression within society.

They both grabbed hold of the railings as the Tardis began to materialise with a bit of turbulence. Grinning, the Doctor led the way to the doors. They might as well go and have a cup of tea with Jackie to begin with. And maybe some chocolate biscuits…definitely some chocolate biscuits.

Throwing the doors wide, he strolled out into the bright sunshine of the Powell Estate, Rose not far behind him. It was a warm summer day…much too hot for the thick jacket that he was wearing. He took it off, draped it over one arm and they set off to Jackie's place. On the way they attracted much attention from the local lads, and a couple of council builders who stared in their direction and gave the occasional wolf whistle and audacious remark.

Thoroughly peeved by the presumptuousness of the annoying men folk, the Doctor tried to storm off, although only managing what looked like a strut that showed off his female figure even more. Not only that but he was becoming very confused within his mind. Since when had he started thinking of the men as THE men in the sense that he wasn't one of them? The female mind within him was already starting to take hold, altering his perceptions to that of a her. Luckily he still had enough control to suppress her for most of the time, but she would occasionally channel through when he wasn't paying enough attention.

As they reached Jackie's floor, the Doctor started feeling nervous. How would Jackie react to this new development? How did he want her to react to this new development? Knowing Jackie she would either laugh, or faint, or be angry. The Doctor wasn't sure why she would be angry but most things he did had a tendency of getting Jackie angry, so there was a possibility that this would too just be default.

Rose knocked on the door, not feeling comfortable just walking in anymore.

"Mum…I'm back."

Jackie came into the hallway to hug her daughter and immediately started off on the usual tirade.

"Ooh Rose darlin' you should have called. I've got nothing in for ya. Are you all right love? Has _he_ been feeding you right? Keeping you out of trouble? Oh Rose you're losing weight sweetheart. I'll kill that alien when I get my hands on him."

It was then that she noticed that Rose had brought a new friend home. A strikingly pretty woman, quite short, about mid thirties.

"Oh Rose you didn't mention any new company. Hello I'm Jackie, Rose's mum. You travelling with that Doctor as well? Did he whisk you away from all of your family and friends too like he did with my little angel here? No consideration that one at all."

"Mum! This _is_…"

"Well he hasn't. He swans in here and takes you away from me to goodness knows where and hardly ever brings you back to see me. It's just rude that man. Anyway come through come through, Mickey's here you'll be able to introduce us both to your lovely new friend properly. Mickey…Rose is here and she has a new friend with her."

They walked into the sitting room, the Doctor looking decidedly grumpy and distasteful about Jackie's greeting and evident opinions of him. Not to mention the fact that he was going to be seeing Mickey as well. The Doctor had been hoping to avoid that. He didn't want Mickey seeing or teasing him about this, the idiot would just be unbearable.

"Rose…how ya been babe?" It was then that Mickey got a look at Rose's companion. He looked her up and down and then got a smile on his face which, in the Doctor's opinion, made him look like a hopeful puppy, "Well hey there, how ya doing gorgeous? Well aren't you just…"

"Rickey the idiot if you say anything about absolutely anything…I will seriously maim you."

Mickey stepped back in shock upon hearing the tone of her voice and seeing that familiar glint in her eyes.

"Doctor?"


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4.

Mickey stared at the Doctor in disbelief "Nah nah nah…it can't be…it's not right." He continued to gape like a fish at the woman he had found desirable only a few moments before, but now found disturbing and somewhat terrifying.

Jackie was looking equally baffled "what do you mean Doctor. Doctor who? There can't be another one."

"Jackie…it's the same one. He's…she's…the Doctor. Oh god Rose what happened to the git?"

The Doctor was fuming to herself looking mutinous "hey the git as you so aptly put it happens to be standing right here, and I _happen _to think I look kind of hot."

"What?…no" Jackie piped up again "you can't be the Doctor. Your not a him."

"Well I had noticed funnily enough, hence the bra that seems to have a life of its with a strong sadistic desire to hurt me! How the hell can you live with this blasted under wiring?"

"People don't just go changing gender. That's not normal…oh crap this is one of your weird alien things isn't it? Rose did he tell you this was going to happen? God Doctor I'm gonna ring your bloomin' neck. Can't just up and change like that…was bad enough the first time…takin' the biscuit this time. Did you even think about Rose in any of this? Messing with her mind like that. Should be ashamed is what you should be. Swanning off with her galaxies away…taking my only daughter away from me and then messing with her head and her heart like…"

Through Jackie's tirade, the Doctor had slumped down onto the sofa, feeling thunderous and thoroughly pissed off that Jackie still thought he was nothing but a weird alien. He thought she'd begun to sort of trust and even marginally like him after Christmas. They'd even had that hug without him flinching. He could feel a headache coming on and his insides felt like they were being forced through a mincing machine. She slouched over herself on the couch, folded arms resting half on her stomach and half on her legs. She decided she didn't like being shouted at anymore. People should automatically like her. She wasn't as bad as he was…Jackie didn't even know her very well. Damn rude.

"MUM…cut it out. The Doctor didn't do I on purpose and it sure as hell is nothing like the last time he changed. He was hit by a weapon from this alien hulk wannabe and just sort of…changed. Completely not his fault. And it's reversible…right Doctor?"

"Yeah it is, we just need to get hold of the cellular modulator and all will be right as rain, fine and dandy. Would have gone to his home planet to pick one up but I don't really think much of their treatment of women, or alien's for that matter. We'd just get captured, tortured and possibly sold as exotic sex slaves. Don't particularly want to do that again! Jackie…" the Doctor tried out her best new innocent pleading look on the formidable Tyler "make us a cup of tea would you? I'd do it myself but I'd get bored and then I'd try to improve the kettle with the sonic screwdriver, then I'd probably brake it, insist I know how to fix it, make a complete mess and probably end up blowing your kitchen up sky high, only for you to yell at me incessantly for ages just to have to make the tea yourself anyway. So really if you think about it logically it would be best for you to make the tea to begin with…save all the hassle." Jackie looked confused for a few moments, her need to not comply with the Doctor's wishes warring with her longing to keep her kitchen in one piece. Eventually the kitchen won over her want to be petty just for the sake of it and she skulked off to make the tea to the Doctor's quiet but self-satisfied mutter of "knew she'd do it if I played that angle" then much louder "and don't forget the chocolate biscuits…thanks Jacks."

Through most of this, Mickey had been slouched on the floor, his back to the wall with his head slowly shaking in his hands. He was trying to take it all in, really trying very hard, but everything that he knew about life and the world told him that this was one of the most complete screw-ups ever to have happened. No rephrase…the Doctor was one of the most complete screw-ups ever to have happened. Without warning, the situation overtook the thoughts in his brain and he burst out laughing hysterically.

Rose and the Doctor slowly turned their heads to stare incredulously at Mickey. However the sight two identical glares trained on him simultaneously only managed to further his bouts of raucous laughter. His sides felt like they were splitting and his eyes were streaming with the hilarity of the Doctor's present state. He laughed himself hoarse before his gales of mirth subsided to a broad grin, punctuated with the occasional giggle.

The Doctor merely glared at him, a look of dislike and something akin to disgust gracing her attractive features.

"When you're quite finished."

Mickey tried and failed to keep himself in check as his giggles came back anew. He continued his laughing fit until Jackie re-appeared from the kitchen carrying a laden tray of tea and chocolate biscuits.

"What the hell is going on now? Wha's wrong with im?"

The Doctor mumbled darkly "I can think of a few things."

"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…hell I'm really not but that doesn't make much difference. Its just…" he broke away into more chuckles "the Doctor…is…female!"

The others shared disturbed glances, wondering how he idiot had only just seemed to realise the ramifications of the situation.

"This Doctor…female. Imagine what the other one would have been like. The old Doctor. He probably would have had a heart attack. Not to mention he would've looked kinda butch!" He dissolved into another peel of giggles contemplating the last Doctor as a woman while the others sat there staring at him as if he had lost his sanity. His eyes lit up as he began to realise something else…something hilarious…something downright horrifying. "Doctor…you're a woman. As in the ones with the scary hormones and crazy weird woman…things. Doctor? Are you gonna start having periods?"

The Doctor's head snapped round visibly paling, to stare at a Mickey in the throes of one of the strongest laughing frenzies known to man.


	6. Chapter 5

A.N: sorry this chapter has taken so long. Uni got in the way but meh...its easter now.

Chapter 5.

The Doctor was getting very impatient. He and Rose had been hanging around London for three days now and he was getting incredibly bored. He had the Tardis checking the skies constantly and he kept a vigil on the news to make sure that he didn't miss anything that looked suspiciously like an Adelphi space ship.

Rose had done the usual things she did every time they came back to the Powell Estate. Done her washing, drank lots of tea, ate chips. She was just enjoying the calm before the storm. She knew it. He knew it. Everyone knew it. The Doctor was happy to let her get on with it for now, just to let her enjoy the quiet time before all hell broke loose once again. He had kept himself safely away in the Tardis for most of the visit so far, trying to keep as far away from Mickey and his cheap although downright terrifying jabs.

That's where he found himself right at that very moment. That one crucial moment that turned just a normal day into a golden adventure of righteousness.

The Tardis was bleeping.

A small mauve light at the corner of the panel was blinking at him wildly and emitting a high-pitched warbling beep noise that really went right through the cranium.

He hurtled around the console in a flurry, maniacal grin firmly plastered on face, checking dials and screens, twisting knobs and pushing buttons, misjudging the length of her legs, overbalancing and falling on her ass with a resounding thud.

She grumbled under her breath about the inadequacies of her new found female form and the unfairness of it all while she blindly fumbled for the phone above her head on the console. She found the cord connecting he phone to the central panel and pulled, hoping to bring the phone down to her level, but the phone and Murphy's Law had different ideas.

For the second loud clunk in as many minutes, the phone crashed down on the Doctors head, followed by a procession of hissed Gallifreyan expletives.

She took a few moments to gather her wits and compose herself before dialling.

She listened to the mindless ringing noise a few times, trying to stifle her growing impatience before Rose finally answered.

"Hey Doctor, what's up?"

"Time. Xanodere has arrived. Just getting a locations lock now. I suggest you make your goodbyes because we have work to do. And don't bring Mickey, he's not needed or appreciated. I'm not in the mood."

"Ooh…somebody's grumpy. Hormones is it?"

"Shut up!"

He hung up without waiting for anymore baiting or teasing. Yes he was moody…he felt he had the perfect right to be. Female hormones were doing his head in, not to mention the fact that he had a very annoying voice in the back of it and said voice was now nearing the front. She was almost in complete control…and she was pissing him off! He never realised that his female self could annoy him this much. Her thoughts were surprisingly bitchy and he wasn't used to having bitchy thoughts in his head. She was a very bad influence on him!

It did not take very long for Rose to enter the Tardis through he double doors, a look of steely determination set on her face. It was time for business. She dumped her bag of clean washing next to a pillar deciding that it would be best to leave it there and sort it out later. They had more pressing things to be getting on with.

"Location?"

"My my…aren't we all business like and grown up?!"

She gave the Doctor an impish grin as he went around the console pressing buttons and puling levers, setting the course that he was as yet to disclose.

"Right…seems that our dear friend has had to crash down in Wales. Brecon Beacons…not too far from wonderful Cardiff…please let me contain my joy! Why is it always either London or Cardiff? Can't ever be somewhere nice like Jamaica or Barbados can it? Sun…fine cuisine…cocktails by the pool…cabana boys with sun cream wearing very little…and oh dear Rasillon I was just having questionable thoughts about cabana boys."

He stopped moving around the console as a look of horror dawned on her face. The horror was followed quickly by a devilish grin before quickly being replaced by the same look of horror. It seemed to Rose that the Doctor's facial expressions were pulling some sort of tug of war. Like she couldn't quite decide which reaction to have. Before long he was walking around the console in a hurried yet disjointed manner, pulling at her own hair and mumbling.

"Stop it you evil cow, you enjoy making me suffer…_oh please, I'm entitled to my own thoughts, just because you're too hetro to enjoy them doesn't mean I should stop thinking…_but it's really disturbing, those thoughts just don't belong in my head so get out…_no you get out, it's my head now, and I deserve a bit of fun after having to listen to your guilty brooding for so long. Holiday in the sun is just what I need, with the cabana boys thank you. A complete relaxing holiday, I'm sure Rose would love it!"_

The Doctor spun to face Rose, daring her to agree with the witch. Rose could do nothing but stare at the Doctor wide-eyed and nervous. How could you side with the Doctor over the Doctor? Shouldn't their thoughts be reflective of each other anyway? They were the same person; there shouldn't even be two sides to the argument!

"_Wouldn't you Rose? We can find you your very own cabana boy too. It's not like idiot over here is likely to wake up and realise anytime soon, far too dense, can't see a thing, hasn't even noticed…_what? What are you on about?…_oh go back to sleep you prat…_we are not getting Rose a cabana boy"

"Why the hell not. She's right. It's not like you're ever going to notice me is it?" she was feeling very angry with the Doctor, the male part at least. "You flirt all the time but then get all freaked out and distant. It's not like I have a lot of options in this life do I? And before you even think it this is not me wanting to go home cos you know that's never gonna happen. But I don't have a lot of options, I don't have any options. I have you. Just you. But at this rate you're going to keep me a spinster for the rest of my days travelling. Then it's goodbye, thanks for the memories and I become some bitter retch left alone thinking God I never had a chance did I?"

The Doctor stood silently, staring at his Rose, shocked beyond all belief. Rose had averted her glistening eyes and was suddenly rethinking not putting her clean washing in her room. She stooped to pick it up and uncomfortably glanced at the Doctor to see him still staring at her, looking hurt and confused. Guilt rose up in her chest

"I'm just going to…I'll be…let me know when we get there."

She quietly moved past him into the labyrinth corridors of the ship. He stood still trying to concentrate and focus on what had just happened and trying to understand these new revelations.

He hadn't even known. Hadn't had the faintest idea…not a clue.

"_Well you always were a little slow!_…shut up…_look it's simple, you like her and she likes you, don't argue cos I'm in your head and I know what you feel. When this is over and you've got rid of me, give her a chance. Don't make her live her life alone because of your annoying sense of morals. She deserves better than that…_yeah she does."

He slowly moved over to the console, finishing setting the course that he had been in the middle of inputting before they went off on their little tirade.

"_But until any of that happens, I'm still here, and I plan on enjoying myself!"_


	7. Chapter 6

A.N: my apologies. I have never actually been to Brecon Beacons myself so I don't know what it looks like.

Chapter 6.

There was an almighty lurch felt throughout the Tardis as it materialised. The Doctor timidly knocked on the door to Rose's room, nervous and uncertain about what to say to her. Rose opened the door looking as if she had been crying and had hurriedly tried to hide the evidence and compose herself. They both shuffled uneasily, neither feeling brave enough to discuss the evens that had just taken place.

"Look Rose, I'm sorry about everything. I don't mean to be so detached and clueless but…_but he's always been emotionally stunted…_shut it you. I don't want you to think that I'm restricting your life or not letting you have what you need. Just because I'm emotionally stunted, as the bitch seems to think, well, it doesn't mean I don't feel them. I do…_what he's trying to say is that if you'll give him a chance, he'll give you a chance…_shut up I can do this myself. But she's right. After this is over and I'm me again, do you think, maybe…_oh spit it out…_maybe you and I could, I don't know, maybe we could, you know?"

He played with his ear timidly while looking down at his shoes, waiting for Rose's reply. He chanced a glance at her and was relieved to find her smiling at him serenely.

"I'd like that. Very much."

They smiled at each other bashfully, just as if they were school kids finding out their first crush liked them back.

"_You two are hopeless!"_

They grinned at each other and chuckled lightly at the bluntness of the female Doctor.

"So…we've landed have we?" They resumed focus on the task at hand, a silent promise passing between them saying that they would resume the previous conversation when everything was sorted and back to normal, well, as normal as things ever got. They just couldn't do anything now, not with the Doctor in a female body. That would just be weird. Not to mention neither one of them wanted the verbal input of the female mind. So…it was back to business.

"Yeah, we're not far from the crash site…_some types of radiation are fine for us but the Tardis doesn't like them so she keeps her distance. We're quite close though but it's nighttime and the ground is uneven…_we'll have to be careful."

They walked through the Tardis, footfalls matching perfectly, a look of tough determination on each face. They went through the corridors, into the console room, over to the doors, and without breaking stride, each pushed one open unafraid of whatever they may find.

The doors opened up to a quiet countryside at night. Trees and uneven ground, made it hard to navigate through but the Doctor and Rose tried their best with only a few stumbles and mumbled curses.

They descended down a steep incline to find a large crater in the middle of a field. In the middle of the crater was the Adelphi ship, about the size of a bus and aglow with fires. It was a burned out chunk of mess, broken and charred. It was amazing that the thing had managed to stay in one relative piece.

The Doctor took out the sonic screwdriver and motioned for Rose to stay back at a safe distance. She fiddled with the settings on the small device and cautiously moved forward, pressing the small button and allowing the small but strong brilliantly blue light to scope out the ship, collecting data and taking basic scans.

"He's gone," the Doctor stated with a frown, "the ships been here for about an hour. We're lucky it hasn't been noticed yet…_come morning this place will be swarming with news teams and reporters_."

"If he's gone then how are we going to find him?"

"Well, the sonic picked up traces of DNA from the crash…_The Tardis should be able to analyse the traces and do a tracking search…_but the radiation here would interfere so it'd be much better to move to a more neutral location…_and scope a larger area to pinpoint it more accurately."_

"So, back to the Tardis then?"

"Not quite yet…_it'd be an idea to do a bit of salvaging. Never know what kind of useful things could be in there…_and I want to get my hands on it before your blasted government gets a chance to rip it to pieces."

Just then a low rumbling sound started to be heard in the distance. A deep gravely sound, and it was getting closer.

"_Guess I spoke to soon" _sang the Doctor in a falsely playful voice.

Before they could move, two bright headlights came screeching into the clearing, blinding them in the harshness of the glare. There was nowhere they could go to hide. The crashed ship was still on fire and as such was much too dangerous to hide in and the Tardis was all the way back up the incline. The car skidded to a shuddering halt some fifteen meters away from the pair. They held their hands over their eyes, trying to dim the severe beams that were trained directly on them.

They heard the car door open and a pair of feet step out onto the rocky terrain. The figure came towards them slowly and stopped not ten feet away from them, but they could still not see who it was. Thanks to the headlights, the figure was nothing more than a silhouette. The figure seemed to be studying them silently and the Doctor was just grateful that whoever it was didn't seem to be making any threatening movements.

"Rosie?"

"Huh?"

"IANTO…KILL THE LIGHTS" the man called back to the car in a familiar American drawl.

The lights cut out and the Doctor and Rose tried to blink away the spots dancing in front of their vision. Rose recovered herself first and through the dim light of the countryside at night, she was able to see who the familiar sounding figure was that knew her name.

"Oh my…JACK!!!"

A.N: yeah…I know…the time lines don't add up. Jack wasn't with Torchwood Cardiff until after the battle of Canary Warf. But this is fanfiction…and I decided to change it! ;-)


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7.

"Oh my…JACK!!!"

Rose leapt forward, covering the short distance between them in moments and flung her arms around the powerful frame of Captain Jack Harkness. It took Jack only a few seconds to respond, engulfing Rose in his arms and burying his face in her neck, inhaling the scent that he had missed so much. The scent was indefinable…it was just so…Rose.

They clung to each other tightly, each simply revelling in the moment, pleased beyond belief that they had found each other once more. They broke away from each other slightly, before Jack pulled Rose back to him and caught her lips in a frenzied and impassioned kiss. It was a full-bodied kiss, tongues duelling as arms encircled and fingernails dug greedily into flesh.

"_Ahem_."

They broke away to find the source of the disturbance. The Doctor stood there, her eyebrows raised, grinning at them with amusement.

"_Now that is what I call a greeting!"_

Jack took a moment to admire the beauty of this new face, her eyebrows still raised saucily, "And who would your lovely self be?"

"_Ooh you'll never guess." _At this point her facial expression changed from that of smug amusement to that of complete shock. "Jack? How? When? Oh dear Rasillon I thought you were dead…_he was you fool…_what? What do you mean?…_oh come on, remember what Bad Wolf said, 'I bring life', It doesn't take a genius to figure out…_but I am a genius…_yeah right, you're male!" _Throughout this, the facial expressions had been changing as the tone of voice changed. Jack found himself feeling extremely confused to the point that all he could do was turn back to Rose, mouth open, one eyebrow quirked in question.

Rose could not help but giggle at the terrified and utterly confuddled expression on Jack's face. "Oh yeah…that's the Doctor."

"That's the…huh?"

Jack turned back towards the apparent Doctor, who's face split into a cheeky yet maniacal grin, "Yup, it's me, the Doctor…hello!"

"But what? How? When?"

"_Well they're both very eloquent today aren't they?" _asked the Doctor turning to Rose.

Jack was as thoroughly confused as he ever had been in his life. Waking up with two years worth of memories missing didn't even began to come close to the level of complete shock and crazy bewilderment that he was experiencing right now. He once again, turned back to Rose, eyebrow arched in exasperated question, "will you please explain to me rationally, just what exactly is going on?"

"Oh recap…" grinning at being the only source of information who could talk in a linear and coherent sentence, "right, the Doctor has changed since you last saw him, twice actually. After satellite five, he kinda died. But he told me that the time lords have this sort of way of cheating death…"

"Yeah, regeneration. I heard a rumour. But that isn't supposed to change him into a woman. That's not right. Time lord regenerations don't change their gender. They just don't."

"Yeah well it didn't…"

"But then how…"

"I'm getting to that part. Yeah, he regenerated into the male version of what you see now about six months ago now, Tardis time. Now, the thing that crashed that ship behind us used a cellular modulator to change him from male to female. That was a couple o' weeks ago on Adelphi Prime. The thing, the Xanodere, nicked a ship from the prime, took off, and we tracked it here."

_"But now the Xanodere has left the crash site, the Tardis can't scan for it from here because of the Radiation coming off of the ship…_this bitch is taking over my head…_we need to find the Xanodere…_she's evil…_find the modulator and turn me back…_pure evil, do you know how uncomfortable a thong is Jack? An indignity no man should ever have to suffer…_dear Rasillon, do you really think that Jack has anything against wearing a thong?…_Help me!…_It's Jack for goodness sake!" _

While the three, or possibly four of them (depends on which way you look at it) had been talking, a man had opened the door to Jack's black SUV, and walked towards them slowly and cautiously. "Is everything all right Sir?" He spoke in a thick Welsh accent, in a clipped businesslike tone, that was nowhere near unpleasant. In fact, it was decidedly lovely.

"Ianto, yeah everything's fine. I'd like you to meet some friends of mine. Ianto Jones, this is the lovely Rose Tyler, and the Doctor."

_"Hey, aren't I lovely?…_please don't insult her, you're not the one who has to listen to the internal monologue…_I didn't think I was too bad personally." _

"You look gorgeous," said Rose, soliciting a genuinely satisfied smile from the Doctor. Upon turning back to the men she explained…"don't worry about it, you'll get used to her."

"Right…anyway…we should probably reconvene at a more secure location to figure out what to do about the Doctor's little problem. Doctor, Rose, would you care to meet Torchwood?" As they agreed, Jack turned back to Ianto to shell out orders. "Right Ianto, you Gwen and Owen stay here. I want you on clean up on the crash site. Disassemble the wreckage and get it hidden. You know what to do. The usual cover up. Anything suspicious or even remotely interesting looking, get it back to Tosh at the Hub." Jack handed over the SUV keys to Ianto.

"But how will you get back Captain?"

"Oh don't worry Ianto," Jack's face split into his trademark cocky grin, ever the charmer, "there's a blue box that I assume has missed me. I'm sure she'll give me a lift."

"Very good Sir." If Ianto experienced any confusion at the words of his superior, he didn't let it show. He made a small half bow to the Rose and the Doctor before returning to the car, presumably to relay Jack's orders to Gwen and Owen.

"So Doc, where did you park the exquisite lady?"

"She's just up the incline…_you're giving orders now? Are you the boss?" _

"Yup, the boss of Torchwood 3. Torchwood Cardiff. And that's the safest place I can think of as base of operations while we track this Xanodere guy and stop him."

They walked together up the incline, three bodies moving fluidly together, hands holding onto each other comfortably. It was like they had never been separated. They just stepped back into their old roles with ease, as though they had only been parted for mere days. They moved closer to the Tardis through the darkness, stumbling on rocks and stubbing toes, but that didn't matter. They were all back together, and that was the only thing that could possibly matter at that point in time.

They reached the Tardis and the Doctor pulled out her key from the inside pocket of her suit Jacket. She opened the door and held it open for Jack to enter first. He moved into the wonderful old box, an expression of worshipful awe on his face as the Tardis started humming her greetings and praises at him. God how he had missed the old girl.

Rose moved silently up beside him and slid her warm hand into his.

"Welcome home Captain Jack."


	9. Chapter 8

A.N: This chapter is a sort of intermission type thing, cos we should be roughly about half way through the story by my estimation (a have a chapter by chapter plan! Yay me and my new found organisation).

Chapter 8. 

Toshiko Sato was alone in the Hub of Torchwood three. She sat at her desk silently, gazing at the computer screens in front of her, trying to decode a rather difficult encryption on a piece of alien tech that they had come into possession of not so long ago.

The others had gone out without her. From what they could tell, something had crashed down to Earth out at Brecon Beacons. She had stayed at the Hub to intercept any reports or other communications sent around by civilians or officials concerning the crash. It was basically her job tonight to make sure that the rest of the team had as much time as they needed at the crash without unwanted visitors poking their heads in and causing chaos.

She currently had one of the screens of her super computer finding, monitoring and interrupting the unwelcome communications, and since that didn't require much of her attention, she had another two screens hooked up to the semi-sentient piece of alien tech, running the decryption programme, trying to ascertain where the device came from, how it got here, and what exactly it was supposed to do.

Exhausted from staring at he screen for too long, she lent back in her chair, in a manner that would be typical of Owen, and tried to rub the signs of fatigue out of her eyes.

Coffee. That was definitely what she needed. She decided to risk using the coffee machine herself. Sure she didn't want to incur the wrath of a territorial Ianto, but hey, he wasn't here. And she had a bit more sense than to get frustrated with the thing and hit it off the side like Owen had last time they had wanted coffee and Ianto hadn't been present to make it for them. When Ianto had found out he had been furious with Owen. It was shocking how utterly terrifying the quiet Welshman could be. He had given all of them the cold shoulder for days, like the rest of them were all guilty by association, and had even stopped making the coffee for them. In the end, Jack had had to beg and plead with Ianto to go back to making the drinks so that they could all simply function again on a normal human level. The end of the world and they were all fine; lacking Ianto's amazing coffee, and they were doomed to hell.

Tosh pushed the swivel chair away from the desk and achingly stood up on tired and tingly legs. She had without doubt been sat down for far too long.

She moved across the open space of the hub to Ianto's private little coffee machine in the corner on the side. She looked around guiltily before selecting which coffee she wanted and adding it to the machine. She took down one of the novelty cups that Ianto didn't approve of from the wall hanging hooks. The cup was one of her favourites from home, it listed the ways in which chocolate was better than men. She put it down on the countertop and added sugar to it while she was waiting for he machine to blink a green light at her indicating that the coffee was ready to be poured and consumed.

She stood there for a few minutes listening to he growl of the machine as it did its work, and she spared a thought for the others. She wondered how the field operation was working out and how long it would take for them to be back. She was just contemplating going back to her desk and calling Jack when he machine clicked off and her brain registered the strong and comforting smell of wonderful and fresh coffee. She poured the coffee into her cup and took a quick tentative sip of the burning hot liquid.

It was then that two distinctive sounds reached her ears at once.

The first was the sound of the rambunctious team, making way back down to the hub through the fake bay front tourist centre hey used as their public face. They seemed loud and jovial but the sound of them did not shock her or give her more than a moments thought.

It was the other noise that surprised her, that and the gale force wind that seemed to have engulfed the inside of the Hub, sending papers and important documents flying everywhere.

It was the sound of the universe, yet she didn't realise that. It was a grinding thrumming noise that faded in and out. More shocking was the fact that she recognised that noise. She had heard it once before.

With the noise came an apparition. At first just a ghostly rectangle shape, but with the fading in and out of the noise was the fading in and out of the shape, gradually becoming stronger with a bright light shining over the space within the Hub.

Toshiko backed herself into the side unit, arms flailing and knocking the coffee machine flying and dropping her cup, just as the team walked into he central base of the Hub and the strange blue box materialised completely.

Tosh steadied herself and then stood rooted to the spot, mouth open, eyes wide and trained completely on the Police Public Call Box a short distance in front of her in the Hub. Gwen and Owen had stopped just inside the rolling mechanical door as soon as they had noticed the box. Their faces showed near identical expressions to Tosh's stunned awe in silence. Ianto however, walked straight over to Tosh.

He paid absolutely no attention to the large blue box, inhabiting the floor space of the Hub. He showed no shock or surprise at its presence. What he did notice though, was the jagged and broken remains of his coffee machine lying on the floor, piping hot liquid running out to pool around it.

"Tosh…what have you done?

She made no indication that she had even heard him, but maintained her dead stare at the box.

The door to the box slowly flew open to reveal the grinning form of her friend and superior Captain Jack Harkness.

"Hey gang, how's it going?"

Ianto turned to face Jack, looking absolutely distraught.

"Sir…she broke my coffee machine!"

A.N: people haven't been reviewing as much as I would like them to. Thanks to all those who have but to those who haven't and won't, to you I send a virtual scowl and tonnes of begging! Please please please review, i'm not very confident about this fic at the moment and i need to know if it's worth carrying on.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9.

The entire Torchwood team were assembled around the meeting table with two extra guests. They were all sipping take out coffee and tea that Ianto had gone out and bought from a quaint little café from the other side of the bay. He was still fuming about the coffee machine that Tosh had wrecked and was now gazing at the brunette guest with barely concealed apprehension as she buzzed a strange little device with a blue light at the remnants of the machine, insisting that she could fix it.

Gwen, Owen and Tosh were still looking quite worried and uncomfortable about the sudden appearance of a 1960s police box in the middle of the hub, one of the only bases in Britain with near impenetrable defences. Owen looked to be calming down quicker than the girls. His cocky nature didn't allow him to stay perceptibly shocked for too long. Gwen was not far behind him, but Tosh was still visibly shaking. She had given up on her coffee long before from fear of shaking too much and spilling yet more boiling hot liquid for the day.

The four Torchwood team mates sat off to the side, huddled together silently while watching their boss laugh and mutter quietly to the new arrivals. The four of them were still waiting for explanations.

Jack looked as if Christmas had come early. There was a rare light in his eyes, which danced with joy and merriment. It was very unusual for the Captain to show such open happiness. He normally had a solemn haunted look in his eyes, which had now been replaced with the arrival of these two beautiful women. More shocking than anything, was that Jack wasn't even laying on the charm. It was undoubtedly still there of course. A moment would never go by without his natural charm making its presence known, but he wasn't forcing it with flirtations and innuendo like his colleagues were used to seeing.

He was happily sat at the other side of table to his employees, cornered in between the blonde and the brunette, talking quietly, laughing every so often and looking completely content. His features shone with warmth and love as he gazed at the two women who were quite obviously very good friends of his.

The two women seemed to be making themselves right at home in the Hub. They hadn't shown much curiosity towards the group of staff or their surroundings. The curvaceous blonde had been startled somewhat when the pterodactyl had screeched for attention, but the brunette had calmly taken her hand and whispered soothing encouragements in her ear. The blonde had grinned at the brunette with an expression of pure entranced love that just led to rather dirty thoughts in Owen's mind of the two mystery women together in a highly provocative manner. At that point Jack had given Owen an unrestrained glare, clearly saying 'think or do anything out of line and you have me to answer to'.

So now they were all sat around the large oval table, respectively drinking coffee, and in the case of the four Torchwood employees out of the loop, gazing curiously at the three old friends as they sat across from them.

"So, Jack, you gonna explain why the two lovely ladies from the crash site and you showed up in our office in a bloody box?" asked Owen who was just trying to distract his mind from fantasies of the two women in question so that Jack didn't castrate him when he became powerless to stop himself and he acted on his impulses.

The others of the Torchwood group let their full attention rest on their superior, as did the two mystery women. They were intrigued as to how he was going to handle the explanation.

"Well, team, this is Rose and the Doctor. Rose, Doctor, this is Gwen, Toshiko, Ianto and Owen. They're my team." He made the introductions with a distinct aura of pride.

"Well thanks Captain," Owen said sarcastically, "That just clears everything up."

Gwen made sure to hush Owen reproachfully before she cleared her throat, took the plunge and spoke up. "Well we get that they're friends of yours Jack, but what are they doing here, and what the hell is that box thing. That thing freaked the shit out of us, especially Tosh."

"I've heard it before" Tosh spoke up sounding afraid and shaky. "Last time I heard it was after that spaceship had crashed into Big Ben back in London. There was a fake alien pig thing. And a northern guy was there. After he left I heard that noise."

"Of course!" piped up the Doctor suddenly, making the Torchwood team jump and stare at him in bewilderment. "That's where I remember you from. Thought I recognised you."

"Excuse me?"

"Yeah, I'm the northern guy. Or was. Couple of faces ago now!"

"Right", said Gwen in that patronising way of hers, lengthening the vowels sounds far longer than they should ever respectively be pronounced. "You're a northern guy? A northern man who just so happens to be a woman with a London accent and tits."

"Great aren't they? The Doctor asked looking down at his chest with a smug grin of appreciation. Owen burst out laughing and Jack sent him a firm scowl that made him turn his bellowing laugh into a chesty cough almost immediately. "Just getting used to them myself, but they really are quite fun!"

"Anyway" attempted Jack, who was desperately trying not to laugh himself. Wouldn't make do to encourage the behaviour of Owen in any way shape or form. That was never good. "Basically you guys are on a need to know basis." At the outraged looks of his staff he continued. "Rose and the Doctor are travellers. The Doctor is from another world and the bloody box as Owen so eloquently put it is the Doctor's spaceship. Now the Doctor never used to be female, unless there is something he isn't telling me. He's been changed on a cellular level by the weapon of a hostile. The hostile is the thing we can thank for the crash, and has since evaded detection. We need to help the Doctor get the weapon so he can analyse it and change back."

"So what do we do know?" Piped up Tosh with slowly reviving bravery.

"You guys go home, get some sleep. We can't get this thing until the proper diagnostics have been performed and it's tracked down, I think diagnostic programme Alfa twelve should be able to manage it. So the computers and the Tardis can find the thing while we all get some down time. I suggest you all get some rest because tomorrow I want you all here at 7am ready to start, I'm afraid that will only give you a few hours though."

The group mumbled their understanding that Jack was making orders rather than suggestions. Jack turned to the Doctor and Rose, lifting an eyebrow as if waiting for compliments on his staff and workforce. They could clearly see that he was proud of this bunch and wanted to show them off. He turned back to the group as they finished stating their understanding and acceptance of the instructions.

"Ianto? Are you okay? You haven't said much since we've been here."

Ianto practically ignored Jack but bent forward over the table towards the Doctor.

"Tell me truthfully Doctor. My coffee machine. Is she going to be all right?"

N.A: Thank you to all those who have reviewed so far (you know who you are). It felt good to receive so many reviews for chapter 9. For all those who have reviewed I give you doughnuts with pink icing and sprinkles and edible ball bearings, the same will be given to all those who click that little button and decide to review this chapter. To all those who haven't reviewed and still resist reviewing, I pelt you with said edible ball bearings. I will pelt you until you submit! SUBMIT goodamn!!!


	11. Chapter 10

A.N: Thanks to all those people who have reviewed the last two chapters. I've had nearly double the amount of reviews for the last two chapters than I had for the rest of the story all together. I'm glad people enjoyed the doughnuts.

Chapter 10.

The four employees of Torchwood 3 had gone to their respective homes to catch a couple of hours shuteye before the real work began. Rose had retired to her room in the Tardis for the very same reason.

Jack and the Doctor had stayed in the Hub, running programmes in a bid to locate the Xanodere. Thanks to the DNA traces at the crash site, the Tardis had narrowed down the search parameters and was very close to honing in on the location.

While the Doctor had been running the tracking programme from the Tardis console room, Jack had been running diagnostics on the alien tech that the team had been able to recover from the crash. Several strange contraptions were hooked up to Tosh's computers, which were quietly buzzing and humming as they analysed the foreign units.

Jack had retreated to his office. The computers had been set running and didn't need him to supervise them. They completely had it from there. So he was sat at his desk, feet up, reclining back, waiting for the Doctor and quietly thinking to himself.

Jack was so deep in thought, that despite waiting for the Doctor, he did not notice her for near ten minutes while she stood in the doorway looking at him. He finally noticed a person shaped shadow by the door and turned to look at her, seeing a lazy smile grace her features.

Jack took his feet down from the desk and indicated to the chair across from him so that the Doctor could sit herself down too.

"Hey Doc, how's the tracking going?"

"_All right_…the Tardis has everything sorted_…she knows what she's doing so there isn't much_ _I can do until the tracking is finished and Xanodere is found."_ The Doctor looked at Jack with a gaze that seemed to bore right down in to his soul. She was still smiling that warm peaceful smile. "_How are you holding up? And how did you get back to Earth?_…Particularly Cardiff in Rose's time?"

"Long story short, I hitched a ride. Not even sure what with. A ship came to dock at the satellite, and I hid from view until I could sneak in and hide in the cargo bay. They never noticed me and they wound up here. I've been back on Earth for three years now. How long has it been your time?"

"Six months_…he thought you'd died."_

"I did, I just didn't stay that way. Earlier you said something about the Bad Wolf. Did that bring me back?"

"_Must have. He told Rose you'd stayed to rebuild the Earth. Didn't know what else to say to her."_

Jack gave a wry smile. "Did she miss me then?"

The Doctor looked at Jack sharply. Did Jack really think that only Rose felt anything for him?

"_Jack…_I missed you."

Their eyes met and they shared a moment of understanding. Loss, regret and acceptance were communicated through their steady gazes. Neither used to being so open, they started to feel uncomfortable within a few moments.

Clearing his throat, Jack decided to break the tension and the silence.

"So…Doctor…female…" Jack grinned the grin that could make a nun lift her skirts, "how's that working out for ya?"

The Doctor started grinning herself. She chewed on he tongue contemplatively, trying to distinguish between her thoughts and git's thoughts to come up with a reasonable answer.

_It's good. Strange but good. He doesn't like it though. Well, he likes the body well enough…_boobs are really fun…_but he doesn't like my mind invading him so much…_they jiggle…_Rassilon it's weird. At first I could just influence him but now…_she's taking over…_but I can't help it. It's like there's two of us in here but we're both exactly the same person. Just separate parts of the same sentience that don't even like each other all that much."_

"You know Doc, not many people get to experience certain things from both perspectives. It'd be a shame to miss out."

Jack got up from the desk and busied himself in the corner. The Doctor couldn't see what he was doing but he was bending low opening a cupboard and getting things out and arranging them somehow.

While Jack did that, the Doctor's inner dialogue was becoming an inner argument.

'You can't be seriously contemplating this? Me and Jack?'

'_What's wrong with that?'_

'It's me and Jack that's what's wrong with it.'

'_It's not you and Jack it's me and Jack. Anyway you're too hetro for your own good. It's not healthy.'_

'I don't care what you think, I won't let you do it.'

'_You seem to be working under the assumption that you have a choice in the matter. You don't.'_

'I'm warning you witch…'

She muttered the last of the argument under her breath.

"_Oh go to sleep Theta."_

She felt the male presence of her mind recede as she put up mental barriers, forcing him to the back where she had been for nine centuries.

"What was that Doctor?" asked Jack, turning around as her heard her mumble something incomprehensible.

"_Nothing. Just thought I'd told you to buy me a drink first?"_

Jack turned around fully; bringing with him a silver tray bearing a decanter of whiskey and two crystal cut tumblers and a wide smirk.

The Doctor found herself flushed with glee and a newfound playfulness as she vacated her chair and hopped up so that she was perched on the desk.

"_Why Jack…it almost seams as if you're planning on seducing me."_

"Why Doctor…it almost seems as if you're going to let me."

"_Might be."_

Jack moved over to the opposite side of the desk to the Doctor, sat himself on the desk, mirroring the Doctor's position and placed the tray of drink between them. He poured them each a generous helping of the malt liquor. As they chinked their glasses together and took a sip, he moved himself closer to the Doctor so that when the glasses were lowered, their faces were barely inches apart.

"And how would _he_ react to that?"

She felt her face splitting into what she hoped was a sensual and heady grin. She lowered her eyelids and gazed at him through her lashes as she tried to mentally nudge the male within her mind to see how he fared.

Silence.

"_He's asleep right now I'm afraid. But I'm sure he wouldn't mind. After all, it's my body too, and I already told him that I planned to enjoy it." _A dark mysterious glint appeared in her eyes. _"I'm sure you could help me with that."_

"I believe I could"

He took the tumbler out of her hands and placed it back on the tray with his. He turned his attention back to her and brought his face closer, allowing his cool breath to dance around her skin.

"_Well in that case…" _she said as her hand came up to his cheek, _"wanna show me how much fun some of my new muscles can be. I'm sure you're the man for the job." _Her other hand curled in a loose fist as she brought it to his chin to lightly stroke his stubble with her knuckles. His hands had found her waist to support her weight and keep her close to him. _"After all, you are reputed, Captain, to be the Casanova of the 51__st__ century."_

"How did you find out about that?"

"_I'm just that good."_

"Let's find out."

No more words were spoken. Glass crashed to the ground as lips crashed together. Arms, hands and fingers roamed. Muscles were tested again and again. Giggles, moans, gasps and whimpers.

An office was wrecked as the Doctor discovered just how much fun being a woman could really be.

A.N: please keep reviewing people. They make me happy. Now I offer David Tennant with melted chocolate. Or I would if I could (well…actually I'd probably keep him for myself!) but sadly he does not belong to me, so I offer only the mental image.

For those who enjoyed being pelted with edible ball bearings but still did not review, I now pelt you with rotten fruit and vegetables. HaHa!!!


	12. Chapter 11

A.N. so sorry for the delay in posting this. Uni got on top of me.

Chapter 11.

Owen Harper parked his car at the bay. It was early in the morning. Very early in fact. The birds had just started waking up, making that annoying twittery noise of theirs as they began their work of the day.

He was walking along the bay in the strange hum that preceded complete sunrise. As he neared the millennium centre, he noticed another person walking towards him. This other person looked somewhat familiar to him. It was hard to tell in the strange hue of the half-light, but the brisk walk and unique clip of the footfalls reminded him of only one man.

"Ianto…I thought I'd be the only one arriving this early. What are you doing here? Jack didn't want us back for at least another forty five minutes."

"Oh I usually arrive early Owen. How else do you expect to find your coffee waiting for you? I hadn't planned on it today though. I'd planned on staying asleep as long as possible like the Captain said…but I felt as if I had to come in…like it was important."

"Strange that is…the tea boy with the sixth sense. Psychic maybe. Like somehow you knew I was coming in and couldn't bare the thought of me brewing my own coffee. Aw Ianto…you care too much!"

"Hardly…I just don't want my machine broken again."

They were walking together towards the public entrance to the Hub. Of course the public never used it anyway, but the fake tourist shop had its uses regardless. If Owen snuck up there when the rest of the team weren't looking, he could get some very nice quality alone time. Just him, the waitress from the opposite side of the bay, and his binoculars. Good, times. That was when the idea hit him.

"I know how you did it Ianto…you're stalking me."

Ianto stopped dead in his tracks, cocking his head to the side and giving Owen the most incredulous frown imaginable. He actually managed to make Owen feel quite uncomfortable. Although most of the team had originally underestimated Ianto, they all now knew that he was a force to be reckoned with in his own rights. They didn't even know all that he did in his role for Torchwood, but they did know that it was the dangerous tasks that required cunning and a strong stomach. Those unpleasant jobs that nobody thought of, nobody wanted, but someone had to do. So Owen had formed a certain grudging respect for Ianto the tea boy. He didn't want to push the man too far in his teasing, but it was very hard to tell just how far was too far with the Welshman. It wasn't like he was going to stop taking the piss altogether. That would just be wrong and against Owens very nature.

"Stalking you?"

"Yeah…you know…I swear I've seen you following me everywhere I go. I see you across the way from my flat looking at me with binoculars. I've seen you watch my ass in the hub. I mean…I know I'm a catch…and I know that you must want me…of course, who wouldn't…but Ianto…there are better ways!"

"Doctor Harper…if I really were stalking you…you'd never be able to tell."

"That good are you…sly fox and all th…whoa…what the hell is that?"

Seeing the confusion in Owens widened eyes, Ianto turned around in an attempt to discover what had caught his attention.

Hunkering towards them in the still dewy darkness of the bay was a large solid shape, humanoid, though much larger. It was too far away to see any detail of the thing in the present state of light, but it was lumbering heavily towards them, slowly, like a lion sizing up a prospective meal.

The only distinguishing attribute that they could ascertain from their distance was the smell.

It was putrid. Utterly foul. The smell like acidic decay was seeping all around them. It felt as if it were choking their very pores with fetid rancidity.

The unidentified creature was getting closer.

"Ianto…you wouldn't happen to have a gun on you would you?"

Ianto thought momentarily, his eyes still trained on the advancing figure, before pulling one of Jack's favoured pistols from a hidden holster at the small of his back.

Owen briefly wondered why on Earth Ianto had one of Jack's guns before filing the query to the back of his mind. Right now he didn't really care, he was simply grateful of the convenience of a firearm on their side.

The beast stopped short of them, just hidden out of sight in the early morning darkness. It was shadowed still, and no feature could be made out.

"Hello there, what can we do for you on this fine morning?"

The creature made no indication that it understood or even heard him, so Owen tried again.

"All right, I'm pretty sure you're not a native so where do you come from and what the hell do you want? Hey…you…big guy. I'm talking to you. Hey…ET not speak any English? Rude that is…come to our planet and not even bother learning the dialect. What's the matter, need to phone home?"

The beast made no move forward and no discernable attempt at communication. It did, however, give a strangle kind of shivery shake thing that they could only just notice in the dim light.

"Hey Ianto…you don't think it's scared do you?"

The creature gave a grunt that if given any human attributes to, would be described as indignant.

"There is great power in this location and you are too primitive and pathetic to feel it. Your species thinks it is so strong but it is weak. And it talks too much."

The next thing Owen knew, was he was surrounded by a tingling green light, suspended in mid air, with the sound of Iantos gun going off, seemingly amplified around him.

A.N. What do you think? Please review.


	13. Chapter 12

**A.N: Sorry for this chapter being so late, but my enthusiasm in this fic has been waning. I still plan to finish, but cannot promise speediness. Anyways, enjoy the chapter.**

Chapter 12.

She was warm. Very warm, but still quite uncomfortable. She supposed that was what she got for sleeping on a hard surface. But she was still content. Warm muscular arms held her close as her head rested on a beautiful chest and her hipbone rested painfully on the surface beneath her.

She allowed her eyes to flutter open and gaze at the man surrounding her. She found he was already awake himself and his wonderful eyes were locked on her intently.

"Hey."

"_Hey."_

They shared a brief smile and snuggled closer to the warmth of each other, allowing their eyes to drift closed again, resting happily and giving the illusion of sleep.

That was how they were found when Ianto walked in looking for Jack.

He saw them there, curled around each other, his Captain and this woman.

How dare she? Sweep in and take his Captain. And Jack, that unbelievable bastard. His heart leapt into his throat and he felt his temperature increase uncomfortably. A haze swept into his vision and everything in the room drifted away to nothingness as the sight of the two curled up on the desk under his Captain's coat came into stark focus. His shaking hand came silently up to grip the doorway where he was still standing as he made to focus his breathing and calm his racing thoughts.

As soon as he felt he had steadied himself to the best of his ability, he knocked heavily on the doorframe.

Two heads raised and two pairs of eyes snapped open to the doorway where Ianto stood straight and businesslike.

"Sir, Owen and I have had a run in with what we believe to be the creature that the Doctor is tracking. Owen was hit with a weapon and is currently in the med-bay." He said this in a chipped manner, not looking at the couple on the desk, but eyes set straight forward, staring at the wall.

Jack had felt himself go cold the instant he had known of Ianto's presence. His pulse increased and he went deathly pale.

The Doctor looked at him curiously for a moment, wondering what the matter with him was.

"_Thanks Ianto, we'll be there in a minute."_

Ianto nodded his head once to the wall before turning abruptly and sweeping from the room. As he did so, Jack scrambled off of the desk and made to follow him.

"Ianto, please wait." But he was already gone.

Jack stood naked in the middle of his office; shoulders slumped and head in his hand.

"Oh Shit."

The Doctor creased her eyebrows, gazing at Jack in confusion as she pulled his coat tighter to her, attempting to preserve what little modesty she had.

"_You okay Jack? What's wrong?"_

Jack ran his hand down over his face, removing the sleep and traces of tears from his eyes and feeling over the day old stubble. Still facing away from the Doctor, he let out a sad and regretful sigh, arching his back and popping his neck.

"Ianto and I…we're…um…kinda involved. Supposedly. I think. Maybe."

"Ah. Say no more. Though I must say I'm surprised. Captain Jack, the space slut in a relationship. When did that happen?"

"We've had this thing for a while now. Wouldn't call it a relationship. Just a thing. I'd call it almost an understanding apart from the fact that neither of us quite understands it. It's…complicated."

"_Idiot!"_

"Huh?"

"All you stupid men with a hero complex. Always have to be the martyrs. You're all idiots. Whenever you find something good, you either never notice, fail to act or screw it up the first chance you get. You never allow yourselves straightforward happiness. Why is that?"

"Uh…because we're all idiots?"

"_Yes…precisely…well done Jack, you're learning!"_

"So what do I do know?"

"Ah, that's for you to work out. In the meanwhile, I suggest we go see what's happened to your lad Owen."

It took them less than ten minutes to get dressed and make their way to the med-bay. When they arrived they saw Owen rushing franticly around, scanning himself, hooking himself up to machines, still presumably fully male, in a state of blind panic. Ianto was sat calmly on a chair, staring at a wall again yet appearing to see nothing. He had a frown on his face eyebrows knitted in heavy concentration, attention focused internally.

Jack gulped, feeling guilt rise and settle heavily in his heart, before changing his focus to Owen who was still rushing around, almost crying with fear.

"Owen, what happened?"

Owen stopped what he was doing, he spun towards Jack and the Doctor terror plain in his face, eyes searching and questioning. His stare fixed on Jack and the floodgates seemed to open. He was trembling and shaking, alternating his gaze from Jack to looking around the room, lost and vulnerable.

"Jack I…he got me Jack…the bastard. I don't…I don't…know what he did. Jack? Jack? I'm scared…Jack? What did he do?" Owen doubled over in pain clutching at his chest, mouth opening and closing in silent gasps, eyes clutched shut in agony. Tears streamed unchecked down his face as his eyes snapped suddenly open, fixing yet again on Jack. "I don't…know…Jack help me…I'm scared…it hurts."

Jack could feel his heart breaking as he watched Owen, sweat beading his forehead and bouts of pain seeming to seize his chest as he hunched over.

"Oh Owen."

In three long strides Jack was engulfing Owen in his strong arms and Owen was crying into his shoulder, counting on the man he'd come to think of as a big brother.

The Doctor remained in the doorway, speechless with shock. She was not prepared for seeing this display of care and love from Jack. She hadn't realised just how much he cared about his team.

She stayed there transfixed by the sight before her, Jack slowly rocking back and forth with the shaking Owen who cried his pain into the crook of Jacks neck, and she realised, Jack hadn't only found himself a team of employees, he'd found himself a family.


	14. Chapter 13

A.N. Thank you Cute Gallifreyan, maybe my only consistent reader left!

Chapter 13.

The atmosphere in the hub was now incredibly strained.

Owen lay in the med-bay, deep in a coma. His cells had gone into a degenerative cycle and nobody knew how to help him. Tosh and the Doctor had managed to stabilise his cells to the best of their ability but they were still wasting away at a phenomenal rate. There wasn't much anybody could do until they retrieved the Bio-Modulator and could reverse the process. If this was what the weapon could really do, the Doctor was glad she'd only experienced a gender swap. Although inconvenient, it was hardly life threatening.

The hub was now a quiet eerie place. Devoid of the usual laughter and bickering that characterised Torchwood 3, the people within spent their time working silently or sat by Owens bedside, holding his hand and whispering promises to make him better. Nearly everybody in the building had had a problem or disagreement with Owen at some time or another, but it was all forgotten now. The Doctor realised again how much of a family this little crew was. And Jack was feeling guilty.

Not only had he hurt Ianto, but he hadn't been able to stop Owen from getting hurt, or found away to help him once he had. It was a couple of days after Owens attack and they still hadn't managed to get to the Xanodere. They knew it's general location, but they were also receiving numerous reports of civilians being attacked much in the same way that Owen had.

Civilians with varying degrees of biological alterations now filled most of the cells of the hub. Some like he Doctor, had relatively tame alterations. A few had had their skin colours changed, for example the pleasant gentleman who was now purple. Some had been given the DNA of animals. One chavy girl had been merged with her parrot and was currently plucking and preening herself, trying to make her feathery covering as fashionable as possibly. Most people, like these, had experienced quite harmless changes. They were annoying and inconvenient, but not strictly dangerous.

Others, like Owen, had been altered on a more serious scale. They had already had several deaths among the victims. One woman had been altered so that she could not stand temperatures above the freezing point. Her blood had boiled within her body before they had been able to reach her. Another woman had had her lungs removed. Thankfully, she had died from shock before she had the chance to suffocate to death.

New cases were being discovered every few hours. They had only stabilised one victim in a cell when another call came in and they needed to rush out again. They literally had no time to go and catch the Xanodere. It wouldn't be too problematic if Owen had been able bodied. If he were not currently unconscious, he would have stayed in the hub, taking care of the medical needs of all of the incoming victims, Ianto and Tosh would be ferrying the victims to Torchwood, and the Doctor, Rose Jack and Gwen would have gone in search of the Xanodere. As such, The Doctor and Tosh were having to be the makeshift medical team (both able but not nearly as much as Owen), Ianto and Gwen were taking reports and fetching new victims, and no way were Jack and Rose going to take down the Xanodere on their own.

They didn't know what to do. They couldn't go out and get the Xanodere without abandoning the victims who obviously needed their help. They were understaffed even with the extra help of the Doctor and Rose. With Owen being out of commission, things were just impossible.

They were all tired, all angry and embittered. They had been so busy the past few days yet still no closer to catching the damn beast. So they were all feeling quite useless.

In the end it was decided.

Tosh would stay on her own in the hub dealing with the medical problems of the victims and Ianto would fetch them and bring them in.

It may mean that they would miss people and wouldn't be able to save as many of them, but their main focus was the prevention of anybody else being attacked.

The rest of them were going after Xanodere.

A.N. Many apologies for this chapter. I realise its crap but it needed to be done. Please review people. I need help to make it better. Free edible ball bearings to all who review. And I seriously have some too. I bought some the other day!


	15. Chapter 14

Thankyous to Barefootonthemoon, Cute Gallifreyan (the star that lights the way of his fic!), Emela, Shrink To Be, waterdragon719, Angel-Hunteress, and Fiyero Tiggular, who actually reminded me that it was about time for a repost.

Chapter 14.

The Doctor, Rose, Jack and Gwen were all crammed in to one of the standard Torchwood vehicles, one of the jet black SUVs with blacked out windows to hide the numerous pieces of high tech equipment that by all rights should not exist on the planet for another couple of hundred years.

Gwen was driving, Rose was riding shotgun and the Doctor and Jack were in the back of the car, amidst all of the scanning equipment, running checks and reading data files that the Doctor had uploaded into the Torchwood archive from the Tardis. They read through as much as they could from files about the Xanodere's home planet, its way of life and any biological defences or weaknesses. Anything that could help to apprehend and capture the Xanodere was greatly appreciated.

The Doctor had managed to collect more recent samples of the Xanodere's DNA from a handful of the numerous victims, which Toshiko had analysed and fed to an upgraded tracking device. The main unit for the tracking device was in the hub, with sub-stations in each of the cars, which had several separate hand-held units configured for convenience in searches where the team were required to be more mobile.

Gwen, not concentrating on the road as much as she should be, kept shooting furtive glances to Rose. There was still a great level of curiosity aimed towards Rose and the Doctor by the four out of the loop Torchwood members. Owen had been attacked so soon after the Doctor and Rose had shown up, that with the influx of other victims, there had been little time to talk and find out more about Rose, the Doctor, how they knew Jack. Gwen Ianto and Tosh had stolen precious moments in between cases to speculate with each other over the origins and history of the two travellers.

Gwen felt an overwhelming urge to start questioning Rose about everything the Torchwood team had discussed or had been curious about. Her police instincts and her own natural curiosity were impelling her towards interrogation, she needed answers, needed this hunger for knowledge sated. She didn't pretend to understand all of the alien stuff quite yet, the idea of so much more out there, she didn't understand about the Xanodere, where it came from and why it would want to hurt all of the people it had. The alien stuff was a hard thing to get used to. She was not an extra terrestrial investigator by nature. By nature she was a policewoman. She worked with people, human people, the perpetrators and victims of crimes. She understood people, despite not always understanding or condoning their actions. She was used to understanding people. However, the Doctor and Rose, did not seem to be normal people.

They seemed to know her immortal boss from way back when; they brought him to the office in a box that materialised out of nothing. Then there was the fact that this Doctor woman claimed to be a man who had happened to be changed with a weapon. That had caused Gwen great scepticism, until of course Owen and the other victims were attacked.

Gwen tried again to focus her attentions on the road. Jack and the Doctor were twittering between themselves in the back and Rose was aimlessly looking out of the window, watching the scenes of late night Cardiff fly past her.

Gwen was just about to start the grill on Rose when…

"Gwen, take the next right and follow through to the end. The scanners say the Xanodere is in one of the warehouses."

She followed Jacks instructions and pulled into a nearby car park. It was completely empty. Deserted, just as she knew the warehouses to be. Devoid of human activity, left, abandoned, forsaken and derelict. It gave her an ominous feeling, a chill down the length of her spine as she fully realised the reason for their presence there. She didn't really want to come face to face with the Xanodere. From what she had heard, it was like an eight-foot armour plated killing machine. And that gun, what it did to Owen was just terrifying.

They all got out of the car, three of them going to the boot of the car and hefting out weapons and three of the portable scanners. The Doctor however, didn't.

"No no no. I don't need any of that rubbish. I have a sonic screwdriver!" 

Jack tapped a few buttons on the scanner and then looked up at one of the dilapidated warehouses.

"It's in there."

The others followed his gaze to the most neglected warehouse in the lot. It was one of the multi-story ones that had been converted into offices and then abandoned in favour of better premises. A good proportion of the ceiling had caved in, what were left of the windows were smashed or missing. It was not the type of building to inspire confidence.

The Doctor looked up at the building with trepidation and gave a low whistle. _"Wow…I mean…that's just soo…stereotypical."_

Rose walked up to stand by the Doctor and threaded her left hand with hers. She had a stun gun in her right hand, the weight secure and comforting in her grip. Jack had made earlier comments regarding her choice of weapon but she had insisted. She didn't want to damage it, just wanted to stop it damaging her. She squeezed the Doctors hand gently, smiling across at her.

"They're all like that though aren't they? I mean, bad guys…not a highly original lot. Maybe someday we'll come across one who lives in a pink castle and attacks people with daisies." She put on a high pitched voice and narrowed her eyes in a playful shifty manner. "Ha Ha…you shall not defeat me…I will keep you in my pink castle, daisy chained in the cushion room while my well oiled, muscled and scantily clad male minions feed you to death with marshmallows!"

Gwen Jack and the Doctor all looked at Rose with slightly raised eyebrows as she blushed with embarrassment.

"_Oh yes…it's all coming out now. The truth…the kinky fantasies,"_ the Doctor teased. _"It all makes sense now!"_

Jack and Gwen were fighting hard to suppress their giggles until they all quickly sobered when the streetlight nearest to them blinked out of life.

Jack checked the scanner in its holster at his waist and hefted a blaster more comfortably in his grasp. It was a lot larger than his usual blaster and the pistols that he favoured, but the more muscle the better in his opinion.

"Well ladies…enough playing around. Let's get this done."

With that, he marched towards the building, coat billowing around him, the Doctor, Rose and Gwen falling in line, matching him stride for stride.

This was going to end…now.

A.N. Well…another chapter, finally here. I apologise immensely for the delay. Please review. The more people review, he more quickly I'll be inclined to write the next chapter. Thanks for reading.


	16. Chapter 15

A.N. Feedback for the last chapter has been absolutley fantastic. I thank everyone who took the time to read, especially Barefootonthemoon, GGEgirl, if i were real, Angel-Hunteress, Cute Gallifreyan and Emela, the people who as well as reading, took the time to review.

So, without further ado, i bring to you, the next chapter.

Chapter 15.

The inside of the warehouse was just as bleak and depressing as the exterior. Shadows danced across the slime and graffiti covered walls from the failing and flickering streetlamps outside. The entire place smelt putrid and rotting, like century old damp had claimed the building for it's own purposes, that of the growth of mould and the hiding place of rats. 

It smelt of death.

Old death.

Rose wouldn't have been surprised if one of her fellows told her that it was the secret location of the annual meeting of the coroners club. She could envision the number of gangs and crooks that had secured the warehouse to carry out their dirty deeds. Keeping hostages, maiming and torturing for the benefit of a dodgy drug deal. Maybe it was true, the place certainly had the creepy potential for it, but maybe it was just an overactive imagination, playing up from all of the negative excitement and lack of sleep.

The team had torches out. The three ladies did at least; Jack had declined one since his updates blaster had its own light attached.

Big hefty torches. The kind that security guards carry on an empty building site at night time. They weren't the type in the soft rubber casing; they were the heavy-duty maglights, slick metal necks to be carried in one hand with the end resting on the shoulder. They held it by the neck, just below the bowl that housed the bulb. If anything unfriendly jumped out at them they could they could pull down the neck and smack anything mean and ugly over the head with the butt of the torch. It was an incredibly handy piece of equipment. It also came in several different colours, including pink!

Rose found the pink body of her torch amusing and strangely comforting; although she did wonder just why a predominately masculine organisation such as Torchwood bothered with the possession of pink torches, but who was she to question and complain.

They moved slowly through a long and oppressing corridor. Rose could tell that at one point it had been cold and sterile like a hospital. That washed cream colour that was designed to make people feel calm and confident but only proved its hostility by making them feel detached and victimised. Like nothing good could come of their being there.

But now the walls had lost their excessive cleanliness. The damp and the rot had seeped through to stain the walls an unpleasant grey and brown with a mottled finish. She was unwilling to feel around but she could guarantee that if she chose to touch the wall, her hand would come away feeling greasy and oily, smelling of rot and decay.

The thought made her shiver. Like a cold and rancid breath on the back of her neck, following the curve of her spine. Her skin crawled and her feet shook in her stylish yet affordable trainers.

They reached the end of the corridor and it opened out into a sort of lobby, with different doors and corridors leading off in every direction. The place had not been used in many years but rose would place a bet that said whoever had abandoned it had done so because of the crazy labyrinth like corridors that lead to the feeling of total and utter disorientation.

They walked in silence, Jack in the lead, then Gwen, Rose and then Doctor. Their two best and most experienced in the lead and bringing up the rear, the two most vulnerable positions.

Jack was leading them own another long corridor but Rose felt a hand clamp down on her shoulder. The touch, although gently and non-threatening, made her jump and tremble. She turned back towards the Doctor who was motioning towards the other two of the party. After catching her breath and calming her heart that was quite happy having palpitations to itself, she tapped Gwen on the back who in turn caught the attention of Jack. They kept silent so as not to alert anything to their presence.

All eyes were upon the Doctor who was looking rather surprised at the sudden shift of attention to her.

She held up the sonic screwdriver up to indicate that it had detected something. She ducked her head in a nod towards a different direction and started off, confident that the others would follow. They did and she led them towards an old oak door. Much too smart for the average warehouse. Whatever business had employed this place; they did well for themselves and had wanted people to know it. You could practically taste the reputation, like something tangible. Though it was no longer there, it had left an imprint on the decaying and corroded building.

The Doctor stopped at the door, looking down at the sonic screwdriver. Rose had no idea what the device was telling the Doctor. She had never understood what could be ascertained from an inanimate object that bore no data screen and only provided an indecipherable whirring noise. Whatever it was, the Doctor seemed to understand and frowned at the revelations provided. She looked up at the others, frown still in place. She pointed with her thumb into the room beyond. The others frowned right back; each believing that the Doctor was saying the Xanodere was in there. As soon as she realised what they thought she shook her head. Something else was in there.

Gwen moved up to the other side of the door, Jack to the middle. Rose hung back a little, aware that the others were all a little more experienced in big shooty shooty up incidents than she was.

Jack looked around to the others to make sure they were comfortable back and ready for what was about to happen.

As soon as he was satisfied that they were, he kicked.

He kicked out hard and sure. The door creaked in protest as it splintered and feel away from the frame. He looked around to the others to make sure they hadn't been caught by any stray flying pieces of wood to find his gaze met with the three raised eyebrows of the women in his company.

He shrugged.

So what if he liked kicking down doors. It made him feel all tough and masculine. Plus, it was fun!

Rose grinned at him while the Doctor and Gwen gave him slightly amused yet pitying looks.

They looked through the remains of the doorframe and tried to see through the dust. It took several long moments before it settled enough for them to see into the room beyond.

What greeted their eyes was monstrous and unexpected.

"What is it?" asked Rose, forgetting that they had intended to keep quiet.

Jack remained where he stood by the ruined doorframe looking pensive as the Doctor moved slowly and cautiously towards the wreck that lay on the floor.

"It's a weevil Rosie. Or at least that's what we call them.

The Doctor knelt by the Weevil, who was still conscious and obviously in a lot of pain. Its viscous looking features were calm and placid, sad. It was a state. It was a wonder that it was still alive. It's limbs fell in ungracious arcs, unnaturally curled and almost severed away from the body. Its eyes looked up at them, obviously afraid. It had been slaughtered yet left alive. Left to die slowly and painfully. Its chest was torn open, blood clung thick and glooping to the wound and yet the creature did not make a single sound and made no attempt to lash out at them.

"_I'm sorry…I'm so sorry." _The Doctor spoke the apology and looked down at the Weevil with mournful eyes. She looked back up and behind her. _"Jack?"_

Rose looked from the Doctor to Jack and back again, not quite understanding.

Jack looked carefully at the Doctor, wanting to make sure that the meaning was thoroughly understood and not misjudged. When sure that he had understood correctly, he nodded once and hefted his blaster in his arms.

Aiming it at the mutilated Weevil, he fired.

The creature died with a high-pitched piteous screech.

Rose stood there for several seconds, confused, not grasping what had just taken place. Her breaths came in ragged gasps as tears sprung to her eyes.

The Doctor, noticing this, came to comfort her. Arms encircled her and she was given comfort she was too shocked to return.

"_We couldn't have helped it. It was dying, horribly. It was a kindness."_

Rose swallowed numbly around the lump in her throat and nodded in concordance as the icy tears threatened to overspill and fall down her suddenly cold and clammy cheeks.

She was suddenly snapped back to reality though and the gravity of their current situation.

A deep and throaty chuckle had sounded through the door opposite the one they had entered through.

The team glanced around at each other in nervous conformation.

The Xanodere was behind that door.

A.N. Well…another chapter done and dusted. Next chapter comes the big battle.

That went quite well I think. This chapter came to me more easily than some of the other recent ones. Shelled this out in about an hour. I got into the swing! Anyway…please review. They make me happy and give me a buzz. I'm just a review junkie at heart!


	17. Chapter 16

Chapter 16.

They looked at each other in wide-eyed conformation as another rumbling chuckle echoed through the silence of the warehouse.

It was too late to hide their presence; the beast already knew they were there. Had their voices not informed it of the matter then the sound of the blaster going off and the pitiful sound of the Weevil's wretched death would have done so.

"_Rose stay back."_The Doctor made sure that Rose was far enough away from the door before moving up to one side of it. Gwen took the other side while Jack stood slightly back in the middle, blaster aimed and ready for when Gwen opened the door.

Her hand reached outwards and the Doctor and Jack inched forwards…

CRASH!

The door flew open from the inside, roaring to collide with Gwen. She took to the air to soar backwards and thump heavily into the wall.

The Xanodere stood there, a magnificently fearsome bulk in the remains and the wreckage of the doorframe. He glanced around the frozen team, assessing the threat they caused to him, the Doctor stood at his right, Jack and his blaster in front of him and Gwen far off to his left, whimpering and fighting for consciousness in a heap on the floor beneath a large dent in the wall. It grinned a dangerous smirk, filled with malice and the promise of pain at Jack, the only male and so automatic leader of the group in the creature's eyes. A huge clawed fist shot out to the side and smashed into the Doctor who sailed back towards the wall in much the same way as Gwen had. The shock of the abrupt entrance was however wearing off of Jack. He raised the blaster from where it had dangled lifelessly, took aim and fired.

The blast hit the Xanodere square in the chest and it staggered back in surprise. Looking down at the scorched chest in curiosity, it gave another rumbling chuckle that quickly morphed into a booming laugh.

"You think that will stop me human? Pathetic."

Jack raised his weapon and fired again, catching the beast in the same location.

The Xanodere gave a grunt and stumbled again from being shot in an already weakened location, but it recovered quickly.

It gazed down at Jack who was hefting his weapon for a third try, an animalistic and predatory glint in its eyes.

"My turn now."

It seized the blaster in both claws as Jack lifted it up pulling it slightly and ramming it backwards instantly, slamming the butt of the weapon back into Jacks face, cracking his nose and knocking him unconscious.

Jack slumped to the floor; blood spurting from his nose and spattering the floor in a perverse halo of red.

Now three of the four were down and out, barely a minute into the confrontation. Things weren't looking good to Rose, especially now that the Xanodere had noticed her presence. She was no longer being blocked from view by Jack. She was out in the wide open, the only one still standing before the beast.

It grinned at her, that menacing promise of pain and torment.

"Why hello little girlie, you look familiar." It moved slowly towards her, stalking her. "Have I threatened you before?"

She moved backwards, matching the Xanodere move for move, trying to keep the distance between them. She gave out an involuntary little hysterical laugh, high pitched, almost a squeak. Her eyes were as saucers, impossibly wide and completely immobile. Not a flutter of her lashes or a flicker of direction. She stared at the creature as it advanced, eyes dark with predatory anticipation, rumbling a deep and menacing growl.

"I I, I'm not s'scared of you ya know. You're just a big…a big…bully!" she finished lamely. She may have almost been convincing were it not for the tumbling stutter of her words and the panic plain for all to see. She took small shaky steps backwards, keeping her eyes trained on the approaching peril, completely blind as to what was behind her.

She felt her heel connect with something soft and fleshy. Before she could stop herself, she was falling back, crashing down onto the desecrated remains of the Weevil. She rolled off of it as soon as she could, going yet further backwards, instinctively away from the danger ahead of her, but her back was already covered. A sticky layer of blood and oozing globules of heavier fluids seeped into the fabric of her top, soaking through and leaving a cold coating of slime on her back. She got her self into a sitting position and grimaced in disgust at her hands, also covered in substances best not dwelt upon.

The Xanodere froze its approach, looking down at her in puzzled surprise before cracking into its trademark booming laughter. It doubled over in barely contained mirth, joyous at her misfortune. It roared and cheered in hysterics, gleeful with amused abandon.

Rose Tyler did not like being laughed at. Especially not when she was sat on the floor, covered in distasteful muck and feeling decidedly sorry for herself. No Rose Tyler did not like it one bit. So when somebody, or 'something' using the operative term did indeed laugh at her when she was sat on the floor covered in distasteful muck and feeling decidedly sorry for herself, she got a little upset. Possibly the understatement of the decade, nay century, nay…since the dawn of time.

She was angry, the anger she had inherited from her mother, that wonderful Prentice gene flaring up. That infamous fiery disposition rearing its head, draining all fear and leaving nothing but a burning vat of rage in its place.

She looked up and into the eyes of the braying beast. She gave it a look so dark, so deep with malice and ill-intent that its roaring laugh quietened to a small uncertain chuckle, barely there and positively nervous. If a stranger walked into the room that second, forgetting for a moment the fact that they would more than likely run fleeing in terror from the sight of a huge warrior-like armour plated alien…thing, it would be hard to determine which was the more dangerous. The beast, granted was an impressive and fearful sight, but…Rose.

Rose Tyler looked like the epitome of evil. She glared at the creature, the glare to make Jackie very proud. It locked puzzled and wary eyes with hers, not used to being on the receiving end of such an evil and mutinous look, full of unspoken promises of violence, mortal peril, imminent.

It continued to gaze at her, hunching in on itself and stepping backwards, trying to make itself as small and inconspicuous as possible, hard to do for a thing that weighs in at just less than half a tonne. It trembled and continued to back peddle, this huge rampaging murderous alien giant, an almost quivering wreck, just from the glare of a sweet young human girl. The universe is full of ironies.

A sudden sound of a blaster charging and firing filled the room and the beast rocked and fell to its knees from the impact as a shot from Jack's weapon took it in the back. Jack was suddenly behind the thing, his blood free nose healed and perfect once more.

He hefted the blaster up like an axe and brought the blaster down on the Xanodere's head. It collided with a resounding crack and the creatures head snapped round to the side.

"ROSIE, GET THE GUN."

"WHAT?"

He lifted the blaster back into the air, bringing it round in another beautifully graceful ark to wards the Xanodere, but it was interrupted by a gigantic clawed fist, catching it in mid-motion, stopping its descent. The strain showed on Jacks face. He pursed his face in concentration and effort as he tried to force the weapon down towards the creature. He simply wasn't strong enough.

For the second time in the past thirty-one seconds, a whirring noise filled the room. This noise however was the unmistakeable buzzing whirring of the sonic screwdriver, held aloft by the Doctor and emitting a much higher frequency of whirring than the one it usually whirred!

The Xanodere had its tremendous talons clamped over its ears, it writhed and shrieked in pain. Whatever frequency the Doctor had the sonic screwdriver on, the beast did not seem to approve.

"THE GUN, THE XANODERE'S WEAPON." 

Rose jumped up as quickly as she could, running past the beast and Jack, who of course was taking full advantage of the creature's temporary lapse of concentration and was happily back to hitting it over the head with his blaster, using the full force of his fabulous strength.

She ran past the Doctor, still slumped by the wall and holding the sonic high in the air.

She ran past Gwen, again slumped by the wall, but in this case, completely out for the count.

She legged it into the adjoining room, the one the Xanodere had crashed through. It was a small room, square and plain with a desk too large for the room up against the far wall. On that desk was the thing that had caused all of this craziness and trouble, well, other than the Xanodere of course. It lay there all inanimate and seemingly directly from a Marvin the Martian cartoon. She grabbed it up without hesitation and charged back to the room.

The Xanodere was still rolling and screeching on the floor and Jack was still merrily whacking it over the head with the butt of his blaster.

Rose fumbled with the buttons on the strange alien weapon, she pressed any of them in any order, yelled for Jack to get out of the way, and she fired.

The Xanodere was lifted off of the ground, ensconced in a surreal unearthly green glow of power. The room hummed with the power of it, the sheer force of the energy. The beast hung there motionless within the luminous aura, arms outstretched to its side, like a parody of a crucifixion. Rose could see the form of the Xanodere contorting and distorting within the swirling green mist, like Jekyll morphing into Hyde, but in this case anything would be an improvement to its prior form.

The incandescent aura started to shift, to ebb and fade away, retreating from the form it encased, gently lowering it to the ground.

Silence descended on the room, that shocked silence, the aftermath of war where everyone just looks around themselves, sorting through the chaos, letting their brains catch up with what had actually happened. Rose the Doctor and Jack looked around at each other, at Gwen still crumpled in the corner and at the form formerly known as Xanodere.

Seeing what had become of the brutal and highly feared monster, Rose gave out an involuntary hysterically high pitched sounding little laugh before she could stop herself. She caught herself quickly, clasping her hand to her mouth and casting an apologetic glance to the Doctor and Jack.

The Doctor was currently trying to haul herself to her feet. Rose moved to help her immediately, and between the two of them they struggled to an upright position. The three of them stood in the room, looking down at the thing in the middle that used to be the Xanodere. They looked down with interest, curiosity and with downright confusion.

The Doctor made to speak a couple of time, opening her mouth, closing it again, opening it again, putting her finger to her lips as if to imply silence, opening her mouth again, closing it, frowning. Eventually she seemed to decide on the words and verbalised the obvious statement she was just dying to verbalise.

"_Rose…you turned the Xanodere into a kitten."_

Rose looked down at the feeble mewling little thing, her arms still clasped arounf the Doctor, helping her to stay upright.

"Yeah well, that's what it gets for being such a pussy."

XXX

A.N. Sorry for the wait folks. But I hope you enjoyed it. I hope to get the epilogue done soon. I just need constant nagging! As always, reviews are love.


	18. Epilogue

A.N. Well here it is. The very last instalment of the disturbing wrongness and craziness that is this fic. Sorry that it's taken me so long. I need to get my arse in gear and update stranded too. And I have a new fic in mind, a sequel of sorts to normal life Doctor. That one should be muchly fun to write. So with any luck that will be here soon.

Anyone, thankyous to all of my reviewers, especially Cute Gallifreyan who offered much appreciated support and advice.

XXX

Epilogue.

The Xanodere had not stayed a kitten for long, much to the disappointment of many of the team. It was of course a popular opinion that a cute fluffy grey and white speckled kitten was a vast improvement over the fearsome brute of armour plated killing machine. They had taken a vote. It had been a landslide victory in favour for keeping they beast as the adorable feline. The Doctor had however, dismissed the notion, spouting something about the fair and ethical treatment of criminals and the injustice of keeping something as the wrong species against its will. The others had grudgingly conceded and had all worked together to decipher the cellular modulator and turn everyone back to normal.

The chavy parrot girl had almost completely malted. She was left with just a small covering of soft downy feathers which she was assured would be gone as well within twenty four hours. The purple gentleman was now pleasantly none-purple, though still feeling somewhat green, but that was more down to shock than anything else unnatural. People were springing back to normality at an alarming rate. Even some of the more serious cases were being sorted with the victims coming back with total health, or at least, the same level of health they had before the Xanodere fiasco all started. The woman who had been brought in while the team went to retrieve the beast was doing very well indeed. The fungus had receded dramatically and she could open her eyes nearly all the way!

So the victims had been patched up and healed. Those who were well enough had been sent home and those still remaining were being monitored as the rested peacefully in the cells.

The newly restored Xanodere was happily detained within the Tardis, mewling to itself and batting around a ball of string with a sharp-clawed fist, behind several locked and secured doors.

Owen was awakened and back to his prior state of health. He was currently out at some dive, dealing with his mortality by drowning his sorrows in a predictable large malt scotch.

The Doctor was indeed manly and hairy once more, out of the terrible excuse for underwear that he had been forced to endure, and into his regular and charmingly rumpled brown pinstripe suit. He seemed none the worse for his ordeal, although he did (when he didn't concentrate) regress to a walk full of rolling hips and butt swinging. Girlish giggling was also coming forth from him, much to his disgust and the general amusement of his fellows.

They were for the most part, in the main area of the Hub. Of course Owen was out no doubt getting extremely fantastically inebriated, and Jack and Ianto were in Jack's office.

"Forgive me. It was stupid and…and stupid…and I'm very sorry. Just a moment of weakness, fuelled of course by the consumption of alcohol, the lowering of inhibitions…not that I'm making excuses of course." Jack implored.

"I thought I meant more" Ianto replied dejectedly.

"You do Ianto. If you only knew. You mean so, so much to me."

Ianto sniffled, composing himself before fiercely looking up in anger to meet the pleading gaze of Jack. "Obviously not as much as the Doctor."

"Ianto…believe me, the Doc is just a friend. It was just a friendly shag, not a deep spiritual and emotional shag. God, where I'm from sex doesn't have all of these other implications, all the possessiveness and emotional consequence. Sex is sex. All the rest, all the feeling, is just, something else."

"I'm not sure I understand sir."

Jack took deep breaths trying to centre himself and work through the explanation in his head first, determining whether it made any semblance of sense or not. "The Doctor…she…he's a friend. I slept with him, her…him…because I was finding the whole female Doctor situation terribly amusing. Hilarious actually. I was just, taking advantage of the moment. I'm not in love with the Doctor. I love him yeah sure…but you know what I mean. I want you. I need you."

Ianto smiled slyly up at Jack, understanding the explanation. "Okay…well lets try this again…exclusively, just the two of us right. And I want it understood that you are in no way forgiven. You have a lot of grovelling and adoring to do before you make it back into my good books. But I'm willing to let you try."

Jack grinned and took Ianto in his arms for a soft and promising hug.

The Rose were undergoing a conversation of a similar subject in the corner of the Hub.

"So…you…me…floating in the vortex…reacquainting ourselves with…me?" the Doctor waggled his eyebrows at Rose suggestively which prompted her to burst into a wave of giggles.

She took his hand smiling at him warmly. "You're on. Me…very female me…you…very male you…sure we'll find something to keep us entertained, locked together in a box."

"So you still want to then?" he asked nervously.

Rose squeezed his hand lightly, reassuringly. "Yes…unless you don't"

"Oh I do, very much."

They grinned shyly at each other, again managing to communicate so much to each other through very little being actually said.

Jack and Ianto meandered into the Hub, holding each other's hand lightly.

"Ah Jack there you are" greeted the Doctor amiably. "Sure you wont come with us. There's so much out there left to see, explore and run away from!"

"No thanks Doc. I got a good thing going on. Good team, great guy. Besides, I'm needed here. I can help."

"Good man. Well, best be going, worlds to see, people to save. Got to get the Xanodere back for a trial. Oh and Jack. The cellular modulator, it's not a toy. Don't play with it and that goes for you too Tosh. Deconstruct and see how it works by all means, but no messing around, I don't want to have to bail anyone out of anything."

"We got it covered Doc."

They walked up to each other and shook hands, then grinningly went in for a very manly and platonic hug. When they failed to part almost immediately Ianto piped up with "let go of my captain you slut!"

They broke apart and all eyes of the Hub turned towards a sheepish Ianto who was looking around as if trying to determine where the abrupt sentence had come from.

Brushing over the uncomfortable atmosphere by ignoring it completely, Jack turned to Rose. "Goodbye Rosie, take care of him yeah?"

"Will do Captain Jack."

They embraced and then the Doctor and Rose turned to make their way into the Tardis, Rose looking curiously at the Doctor. "What did he mean Doctor? Why'd Ianto call you a slut?"

"Oh nothing nothing at all. No reason. Just a little thing really. Hardly worth mentioning. Well…not really that little a thing."

"What happened? What did y…"

The doors of the Tardis closed behind them and through the haze of noise from the materialisation start up sequence, Rose's angry voice could be heard.

"YOU SLEPT WITH JACK?!"

End 


End file.
